Car Humor Whatcha Got

Ok I have compiled a List of humorous acronym's (Acronyms, initialisms, and alphabetisms are abbreviations that are formed using the initials in a phrase or name. Just to clear things up)for Cars. Some are from the web, some I have heard over the years..If you have any jokes about cars put them up.. And yes I am very bored this morning...lol Oh And any brand is fair game....


AUDI- Always Unsafe Designs Implemented.
BMW-Big Money Works.
* Brutal Money Waster.
* Bimbette Motor Weapon.
* Break My Window.
BUICK-Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer.
CHEVROLET- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips.
* Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
* Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
*Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology.
DODGE-Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere.
*Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere.
*Dead or Dying Gas Eater.
*Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express.
FIAT- Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
*Fix It All the Time.
*Fix it again, Tony!
FORD - First On Recall Day.
*Fixed Or Repaired Daily.
*First On Rust and Deterioration.
*Fix Or Repair Daily.
*Found On Road, Dead.
*Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
*Features O.J. and Ron's DNA.
*Found On Russian Dump.
GM- General Maintenance.
* Great Mistake.
* GMC- Garage Man's Companion.
* Got A Mechanic Coming?.
HONDA - Had One Never Did Again.
HYUNDAI-Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
MAZDA- Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along.
OLDSMOBILE-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind *Infuriatingly Late Everywhere.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment.
PINTO - Put in new transmission often.
PONTIAC - Poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac.
SAAB-Send Another Automobile Back.
*Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
*Sorry Arsed Auto Builders.
TOYOTA-Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto.
VOLVO- Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
*Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners.
VW-Virtually Worthless.

An oldy but a goodie.. I have used these all a time or 2 myself see if any ring true to you when you have sold a car in the past.....


Must Sell - Before it blows up.

Runs Fine - I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last minute attack of conscience.

Needs Some Body Work - Was side-swiped by a Winnebago.

Well Maintanied -I occasionally change the oil.

Looks Like New - Just don't try to drive it anywhere.

All Original - I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.

Loaded With Options - Each one more troublesome than the last.

Never Smoked In - Unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.

Project Car - I can't figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either.

Lots of Potential - To drive you insane.

Needs Minor Repair - Doesn't run.

Engine Quiet - Uses 90-weight oil

Parts Car - Beyond repair.

Rough Condition - Too bad to lie about.

Immaculate - Recently washed.

Concours - Recently waxed.

Needs Minor Overhaul - Needs engine.

Needs Major Overhaul - Phone the junkyard.

Burns No Oil - It all leaks out.

Rebuilt Engine - Cleaned the spark plugs.

Drive It Anywhere - I live on a hill.

Drive It Anywhere - Within 10 miles.

Desireable Classic - No one wants it.

Rare Classic - No one wanted it even when it was new.

Stored 20 Years - In a farmer's field.

Ran When Stored - Won't start.

Never Apart - Bolts too rounded to loosen.

Solid As A Rock - Rusted solid

Restored With 0 Miles - Won't start.

Restored With 2 Miles - Won't stay running.

Older Restoration - First owner washed it.

Good Investment - Can't be worth much less.

No Time To Restore It - Can't obtain parts.

95% Complete - Other 5% doesn't exist.

Clean - Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows.

Good Transportation - It's ugly as sin.

Engine Blueprinted - I don't know what it means either.

Exellent Gas Mileage - It's slow.

Low Miles - The odometer was turned back.

One Owner - Can't give it away.

Sure to Appreciate - That's why I'm selling it.

..Or Best Offer - I'm guessing here.

Faster Than A 'Vette - A Chevette.

Other Interests Conflict - Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #!!@&## thing goes or I do!"

Last one for today..... What your cars say about YOU!


Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.
Acura NSX - I'm impotent.


Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.


Buick Park Avenue - I'm older than 34 of the 50 states.


Cadillac Eldorado - I'm a pimp.
Cadillac Seville - I'm a very good Mary Kay salesman.


Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people.
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.


Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.


Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.


Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
Dodge Dakota - I've always wanted a womans pickup truck.


Ferrari Testarossa - I'm known to prematurely ejaculate.


Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart).
Ford Mustang Cobra - I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.


Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.


Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.


Infiniti Q45 - I'm a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.


Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.


Jaguar XJ6 - I'm so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.


Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.


Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle.


Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Lincoln Navigator - I love scaring the crap out of the guy who is driving a civic.


Mercury Grand Marquis - I'm an AARP member and need my social security for the car payment.


Mercedes 500SL - I can go 0-60 in about 6 seconds if the car doesnt fall apart at 50.
Mercedes 560SEL - I'm dating a mechanic.
Mercedes ML320 - I'm a badass soccer mom.


Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.


MGB - I'm dating a little person.


Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.


Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Nissan Maxima - I couldn't afford an Infiniti.


Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.
Oldsmobille Bravada - I laugh in the face of the guy who's driving a Blazer.


Peugeot 505 Diesel - I'm on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.


Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.


Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.
Pontiac GTO - Gas, tires, & orgasms.
Pontiac Aztek - Too easy.


Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie.
Porsche 944 - I'm dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.


Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal.


Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic).


Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.


Toyota Camry - I'm still in the closet.
Toyota Land Cruiser- I would go off road if I could.


Volkswagen Cabriolet - I'm out of the closet.
Volkswagen Microbus - I'm trippin right now.
Volkswagen Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns.


Volvo 740 Wagon - I'm very frightened of my wife

I loved this one

Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

And anyone that has looked at old bikes knows this is true
Ran When Stored - Won't start.

BMW......Bring Metric Wrenches